Aug 23, 2005

Today got me thinking about my "list" for the perfect man that I wrote 5/2000. When Dre and I first got together he embodied everything on my list. Now that we've been together a total of 3 years (1 year married), I'm starting to wonder if I was delusional to think that was him. Lately he's been so selfish and childish; it's really wearing thin on me. Ever since he got the car painted and got new rims and tires he's been acting like a teenager. He'll be 31 on Friday - he really needs to grow up. He's never home anymore and when he is, he isn't here in mind, only in body. In the evenings its either him working out or on the computer watching TV in the other room. He works retail so his hours are always different. Some evenings he's home at 5pm, others he's home at 11pm. His days off are usually during the week while I am working. I have weekends off and a normal schedule Monday - Friday. Yesterday was his day off - I dropped him off early to get the car retouched and he took the Max for the rest of the afternoon. He went to lunch with Barbara (second mom) at the Ale House and afterwards she dropped him off so Juan (best friend) can help him drive the cars back home. He brought me his leftovers from the Ale House - clam strips and wings. Gee thanks... So they come back home to drop the Max off and they run off to happy hour. He asked if I wanted to go after I gave him a look - he knows he's messing up - I said Peace Out - Bye!! Happy hour ended up being all night as usual. He called a few times while he was out and clearly he was drunk as a skunk. I went to bed and around 1:30am woke up - where's Dre? He was on the couch sh*t faced drunk and passed out. He knew he had to get up at 6am today - how irresponsible. Tried to wake him up unsuccessfully so I left him on the couch. About 5 this morning I woke up knowing he had to be up soon to go to work. Did I wake him...NO!! I really didn't give a shit if he was late or got reprimanded at work. Guess his alcoholic alarm went off because he woke up on his own at 5:15 - in time to go to work. I got up to get a glass of water and I could tell he was still drunk - oh well. After he left to work I was up til about 7am thinking. Thinking about separation - him or I moving out and having time apart. Thought about driving down south for a few days and working out of the main office. Thought about telling him to move in with Juan for a while.

How sad is it to be lonely when you're married...